Fire Jim Tracy

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Blacked Out Again

Unlike Valentin and Kent, Choi and Drew are making it very hard for their defenders. This is not the game for leaving the bases loaded with one out.

As Tony Clark just proved (I had no idea he was on the Diamondbacks. Huh.).

The Plaschkers will not be tamed.

UPDATE: Well, we'll be getting our first Major League look at D.J. Houlton tonight. Who had 14-11 in the office pool?

UPDATE 2: See ya, Scotty.

UPDATE 3: Well, if it makes you feel any better Jose Lima just walked his first run of what I'm sure will be many across town. It would have been worse already, but Garrett Anderson popped up his ball four. He looks terrible.

UPDATE 4: Bengie Molina gift-wraps a ground ball on Ball 2. Those guys could have just stood there with bats on shoulders and probably never gone into the field again.

UPDATE 5: Look, I don't care if it's DePodesta's fault or Tracy's fault or McCourt's fault or God's fault. Somebody is going to have to explain to me what Paul Bako is doing on this roster.

UPDATE 6: Scott Erickson just hit for himself. I sorta see why with two outs and nobody on you wouldn't use a pinch hitter, particularly since this is going to be a battle of the bullpens. But I better not see Scott Erickson come out to pitch the fourth. Not with TWELVE PITCHERS ON THE ROSTER GATHERING DUST AND ERICKSON HAVING GIVEN UP THREE HOME RUNS!

UPDATE 7: Of course, I can't see anything anyway.

UPDATE 8: Jerry tells me that we have another double play "Cora would have turned" and Cintron's fly ball was to the warning track. What is Scott Erickson still doing out there? I'll deal with Plaschke tomorrow.

UPDATE 9: HELLO! HELLO! He just walked Craig Counsell. Why it was so important that D.J. Houlton come in with several runners on, I don't understand, but anytime you want to make a move, you're welcome to it.

UPDATE 10: We are not nearly carrying enough pitchers. Let's talk maybe four more -- 16. That way, even though they don't pitch in the real games, they have enough relievers in the bullpen to go out on the road and make charity softball appearances playing the Happy Days gang.

UPDATE 11: Jose Lima is really bad. He just hung a breaking ball to Cesar Izturis's brother for a leadoff triple. Lima will last no longer than Erickson tonight. And hopefully Erickson lasted FOUR INNINGS.

UPDATE 12: Yeah, make sure he gets them all out of his system before you hook him. Beautiful. And do us a favor, don't use up all those pitchers in your bullpen. You wouldn't want them sweaty for the team picture.

UPDATE 13: Houlton didn't work either, you have 10 left.

UPDATE 14: And well placed sarcasm, sir! Meanwhile, Tracy's blunders inevitably lead to comebacks and now we see if Paul Bako can hit O. Villareal, whoever that is.

UPDATE 15: The answer is, yes, Paul Bako can hit Villareal. That should come as no surprise to anyone.

Quick story from my fantasy baseball world: So there I am with Mark Teixeira, who hasn't hit the ball out of the infield all season. Hee Seop Choi, I'm quite certain, is Korean for Mark Teixeira. Whatever happened last year, they've figured him out but good. So I put him out on the market, and someone offered to trade me Aubrey Huff. That sounded pretty good to me, since Huff plays three positions, and Teixeira is the new Dave Kingman. So I'm considering it, and then I get an e-mail from the guy saying that the trade is cancelled. So I look at the Tampa Bay game, and Huff has just hit a three-run home run off of Barry Zito. Barry Zito! My grandma could hit a homerun off of Barry Zito. Choi might even make contact with the ball against Barry Zito. This was like all those people ready to give Jeremy Bonderman (who is a fine pitcher) the Cy Young Award when he shut out Kansas City. Nevertheless, this prompted him to call the thing off. And I'm still stuck with Mark Teixeira, who went 0 for 5 against (get this) Jamie Moyer and Eddie Guardado.

Moral of the Story: Paul Bako can hit O. Villareal.

UPDATE 16: Can we all just agree that Craig Counsell is not worth walking? First we put Omar Vizquel on 100 times and now Craig Counsell?

UPDATE 17: And Glaus strands the runner. Glad he was able to take his BP against Erickson before the game started.

UPDATE 18: But Choi can't. And the world continues to spin on its axis.

UPDATE 19: Hey, Dilbeck. I think Arte Moreno has some cocoa butter left over if you want to do his forehead and nose. Brown's already covered the rest.

UPDATE 20: OK, Tracy. Start thinking about it now, even though you already used your "emergency" catcher. Say it twenty times for yourself. I'm going to bat for Bako. I'm going to bat for Bako. He's got his hit for the week. I have faith in you. You can do this.

Meanwhile, it's time for Duaner.

UPDATE 21: This is the guy with the .290 OBP?

UPDATE 22: So he'll bat for Paul Bako but not Kelly Wunsch?

UPDATE 23: I don't understand what Plaschke is talking about. This team hasn't changed at all.

UPDATE 24: See, I gave up on Choi just in time! Who should I give up on next?

UPDATE 25: The Craig Counsell pact pays off!

UPDATE 26: Nope, hasn't changed at all. I assume we'll see Wunsch, then Braz to Glaus.

UPDATE 27: I assume wrong.

UPDATE 28: YES! Jerry tells me no Wunsch under any circumstances tonight says Tracy. Thank you, oh, thank you MLB for blacking me out when the nearest Major League Baseball team is over 300 miles away. Morons.

UPDATE 29: Our horrible defense comes through again.

UPDATE 30: Thank the Lord for idiot managers. Not only do we get out of the inning, but they get to start the next inning with Royce Clayton again. What is wrong with these people?

UPDATE 31: Nothing. Ever. Changes. Repko gets robbed. Even Brazoban gets robbed. Baseball. Someone tell me who wins.

UPDATE 32: Well, I guess this is what DePo gave Gagne 10 million dollars for.

UPDATE 33: This is too good. What drama!

UPDATE 34: LOL! Plaschke just had to tear up his piece and start over! Wonderful. But now who pitches the 11th?

UPDATE 35: Come on J.D.! Forget analysis -- just hit the damn ball.

UPDATE 36: Well, that was a wee bit anti-climactic. And now we have Jeff Kent. Too bad Alex Cora isn't up right now.

UPDATE 37: Remember how I was a wee bit depressed after Opening Day because of that Valentin thing. HEY PLASCHKE! STUFF IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


You too Brown.


UPDATE 39: I am very clearly going to be sick.

UPDATE 40: I assume this long pause is to bring in Steve Schmoll. Holy Crap. We're all screwed.

UPDATE 41: These guys are 4-1. And they are going to kill us!

But they're killing Plaschke even more. And I like it.


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